Fatwa No : 85483
Parents pressuring their son to get married against his will.

Parents pressuring their son to get married against his will.

My situation is as follows: My family is forcing me to marry a particular girl. From the very beginning, my heart has never been inclined toward marriage. In fact, since childhood I have said that even if I do not get married, I would not have any problem, because I do not have such desires in my nature.
My family kept pressuring me continuously for six months. They said that if I did not marry this girl, they would not arrange any other proposal for me. They even went so far as to say that they were losing their appetite and falling ill because I was not accepting this match. Due to constant pressure and compulsion, my engagement was eventually arranged with this same girl.
Even now, my heart feels intense dislike and aversion. I do not want to marry this girl at all. The truth is that neither did I have the intention before, nor do I have it now. Furthermore, I know that even if this marriage takes place, I will not be able to fulfill her rights, and in this way her life will also be ruined. I want her to marry someone who truly values her from the heart and is sincere with her.
I still have at least five years or more of education remaining, but my parents insist that as soon as my education is completed, I must immediately marry this same girl, even though there is no willingness in my heart for this marriage. My parents think that this is the only girl in the world, and if I let her go, I will not find anyone else.
My questions are:
1. Is it Islamically correct for parents to apply such pressure?
2. Is it permissible for me to end this engagement?
3. How can I respond to my parents in a Shariah-compliant manner and explain to them that my marriage in this state would not be valid?
Please guide me in the light of the Qur’an and Sunnah.
*Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you!*

الجوابُ حامِدا ًو مُصلیِّا ً

It is clear that a person who has the means to marry has been encouraged in the blessed Hadiths to marry promptly. The Noble Prophet ﷺ said:
ن عبد الرحمن بن یزید قال دخلت مع علقمۃ و الأسود علی عبداللہ فقال عبداللہ کنا مع النبی ﷺ شباباً لا نجد شیئا فقال لنا رسول اللہ ﷺ یا معشر الشباب من استطاع منکم الباءۃ فلیتزوج فإنہ أغض للبصر و أحصن للفرج ( باب من لم یستطع الباءۃ فلیصم ج: 3 ، ص: 2305 ،ط: بشری )
“Translation of the Hadith:
“O group of young people! Whoever among you has the ability to establish a household should marry, because marriage greatly lowers the gaze and greatly protects the private parts.”
In this blessed Hadith, a person who has the means is encouraged to hasten toward marriage. Therefore, in the situation asked about, if there is no religious defect or impediment in the proposed match, the questioner should accept this proposal and make arrangements for an early marriage, valuing this blessing, acting upon the Sunnah to ward off temptation and protect himself from sins, and keeping in mind the happiness and consent of his parents.
However, if despite this the questioner is not willing or sincerely inclined to marry the mentioned girl, and the parents are forcing and compelling him to marry her, then in such a case it is not correct for the parents to force him to marry that particular girl. This is because such compulsion can lead to problems after marriage, such as divorce, which in turn causes distance and discord between people. Therefore, the questioner and his parents should, with wisdom and insight, adopt an appropriate solution that does not become a cause of disagreement, temptation, or turmoil.

مأخَذُ الفَتوی

کما فی صحیح البخاری: عن عبد الرحمن بن یزید قال دخلت مع علقمۃ و الأسود علی عبداللہ فقال عبداللہ کنا مع النبی ﷺ شباباً لا نجد شیئا فقال لنا رسول اللہ ﷺ یا معشر الشباب من استطاع منکم الباءۃ فلیتزوج فإنہ أغض للبصر و أحصن للفرج و من لم یستطع فعلیہ بالصوم فإنہ لہ و جاء ( باب من لم یستطع الباءۃ فلیصم ج: 3 ، ص: 2305 ،ط: بشری )۔
و فی مشکاۃ المصابیح: عن المغیرۃ بن شعبۃ قال خطبت إمرأۃ فقال لی رسول اللہﷺ ھل نظرت إلیھا قلت لا قال فانظر إلیھا فإنہ أحری أن یؤدم بینکما رواہ أحمد و النسائی و إبن ماجۃ و الدارمی ( کتاب النکاح باب النظر إلی المخطوبۃ ج: 2، ص: 281، ط: قدیمی)۔
و فی مرقاۃ المفاتیح تحت الحدیث: عن المغیرۃ بن شعبۃ قال خطبت إمرأۃ ( إلی قولہ) أی یوقع الأدم بینکما الألفۃ و المحبۃ لأن تزوجھا إذا کان بعد معرفۃ فلا یکون بعدھا غالبا ندامۃ الخ (کتاب النکاح باب النظر إلی المخطوبۃ ج:2 ص281، ط: حقانیۃ)۔
و فی الشامیۃ تحت: ( قولہ ولا تجبر البالغۃ الخ) و لا الحر البالغ و لمکاتب و المکاتبۃ و لو صغیرین الخ (کتاب النکاح باب الولی ج: 3، ص: 58، ط: سعید)۔