Fatwa No : 88970
Which Person’s Instruction Should Be Followed in the Same Matter — the Paternal Uncle or the Father?

Which Person’s Instruction Should Be Followed in the Same Matter — the Paternal Uncle or the Father?

When I was very young, my paternal uncle and grandfather took me to America, and I was raised in that environment because my parents were still living in Pakistan at that time. During those years, I also got married. After approximately 18 to 20 years, my actual parents also came to America. Now the issue is that in certain matters, both my uncle and my parents give different instructions. My uncle tells me to do one thing, while my parents say the opposite. In such a situation, I do not understand whose instruction I should follow—my uncle’s or my parents’?

الجوابُ حامِدا ًو مُصلیِّا ً

In the mentioned case, the questioner has not clarified in which matters the parents and the uncle are giving different instructions, so the answer would have been based on that. However, if neither the parents nor the uncle are instructing anything contrary to Shariah, and both sides’ guidance is Islamically sound and appropriate, then although the rights and rank of the parents are superior to those of the uncle — and obeying the parents is obligatory — it is still better for the questioner to act with good character, wisdom, and a balanced attitude. He should maintain respect for both his parents and his uncle and take practical steps in such a considerate and tactful manner that both sides feel honored, and no displeasure or hurt arises in anyone’s heart.

مأخَذُ الفَتوی

کما فی جامع الترمذی: حدثنا بھز بن حکیم حدثنی أبی عن جدی رضی اللہ عنہ قال قلت یا رسول اللہ من ابرّ؟ قال امّک قلت ثم من؟ قال: امّک قال: قلت ثم من؟ قال امّک قال: قلت ثم من؟ قال: ثم اباک ثم الاقرب فالاقرب الخ
وفیہ ایضاً: عن عبد الرحمن بن ابی بکرۃ عن ابیہ رضی اللہ عنہ قال: قال رسول اللہﷺ الا احدثکم باکبر الکبائر؟ قالوا بلیٰ یا رسول اللہ قال: الاشراک باللہ وعقوق الوالدین قال وجلس وکان متکئا فقال وشھادۃ الزور الخ (باب ماجاء فی عقوق الوالدین، ج2، ص687، ط: بشری)۔
وفیہ ایضاً: قل عبد الرحمن سمعت رسول اللہﷺ یقول قال اللہ تبارک وتعالی انا اللہ وانا الرحمن خلقت الرحم وشققت لھا من اسمی فمن وصلھا وصلتہ ومن قطعھا بتتّہ الخ (باب ماجاء فی قطیعۃ الرحم، ج2، ص689، ط: بشری)۔