Fatwa No : 87970
Making Dua to marry a particular girl

Making Dua to marry a particular girl

I wanted to marry a girl who was a famous personality, known for her reputation and success. What inspired me was that she sacrificed all her fame, money, and everything she had — purely for the sake of Allah. I was deeply moved by her sincerity and faith, and for years I made du‘a to Allah to bless me with her in marriage. She doesn’t even know me or that I exist, and I have never met her, but I admired her ikhlas (sincerity) and personality, which drew me to pray for her sincerely.

For several years, I kept making du‘a for this, and during that time, I became very close to Allah and more righteous. But after some years, I fell into sin and remained involved in it for 4–5 years. During that period, Allah took away from me the ability and desire to make that du‘a.

A few weeks ago, I sincerely repented (made true tawbah) and turned back to Allah. After repentance, I again felt that I should ask Allah for that girl as I used to before. However, last night I came to know that she got married on that very night.

Now my question is: I don’t know whether this was Allah’s decree (taqdeer) — that she was never meant for me — or if it happened as a punishment for my sins, that Allah caused her to marry someone else. How should I understand this situation, and what should I do now?

I am unable to remove her from my heart, and I am in deep pain. I also fear that if I continue to make du‘a for her, it might mean asking Allah to break her marriage — which I know is sinful. I only seek peace for my heart, but her not being in my life has become a great test for me. My condition has become quite intense, and I am unable to live my daily life properly because of it.

So, is it haram (forbidden) to make du‘a for her now that she is married?
I have studied the Qur’an and hadith and I am a student of Islamic knowledge myself, but I cannot find clarity in this matter. Kindly guide me and advise me on how to heal my heart and deal with this trial.

الجوابُ حامِدا ًو مُصلیِّا ً

It should be made clear that every person’s relationship, life partner, and marriage are written in his or her destiny from the very beginning, and sins have no role in determining this, because destiny is not changed by sins. Whatever is not destined will not be attained, even with the best of good deeds, and whatever has been decreed will surely reach a person, even if he is sinful. Therefore, the questioner should hold the belief that this matter is not a punishment for his sins; rather, it has occurred under Allah’s wisdom and divine decree.
Although matters of destiny are hidden and unseen, and many decrees of destiny are also linked to the actions of human beings, it is possible that a person’s marriage may be conditional upon supplications, and that his prayers and righteous deeds become a means, by Allah’s will, for marriage to take place at the desired place. Therefore, one may pray and perform good deeds for marriage of one’s choice. However, it is not correct to treat one’s personal preference as a final decision and then, if marriage does not take place at the desired place, become disheartened and turn away from acts of worship and the affairs of life.
Hence, in the present case, if the questioner wished to marry a particular girl but she has now been married elsewhere, then the questioner should abandon the desire to marry her, because she is now the wife of another man. It is not permissible to keep in one’s heart the wish to marry a married woman, since this could only happen if her existing marriage were to end. Therefore, the questioner should allow her to live her life with her husband, and should not continue to distress himself by holding onto this desire or striving for it.
To protect himself from depression and to eliminate this carnal desire, the questioner should earnestly supplicate to Allah with humility. He should also seek to marry someone else as soon as possible. It is hoped from Allah that, through these prayers and the blessing of marriage, Allah will remove his distress, Insha Allah.

مأخَذُ الفَتوی

کما فی مرقاة المفاتيح: الإيمان بالقدر فرض لازم، وهو أن يعتقد أن الله تعالى خالق أعمال العباد خيرها، وشرها، وكتبها في اللوح المحفوظ قبل أن خلقهم، والكل بقضائه وقدره، وإرادته، ومشيئته، غير أنه يرضى الإيمان والطاعة، ووعد عليهما الثواب، ولا يرضى الكفر والمعصية وأوعد عليهما العقاب. (إلی قوله)وفي كلامه خفاء إذ المعلق، والمبرم كل منهما مثبت في اللوح غير قابل للمحو، نعم المعلق في الحقيقة مبرم بالنسبة إلى علمه تعالى اه ( کتاب الایمان ، ج: 1 ، ص: 147 ، ط: حقانیہ)ـ