Fatwa No : 90185
Unjustified Refusal by a Father to Arrange His Daughters’ Marriages

Unjustified Refusal by a Father to Arrange His Daughters’ Marriages

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. The question is as follows: If a father is not arranging the marriages of his daughters, and he is harsh and quick-tempered to such an extent that even the mother is living in fear and anxiety, then is it permissible for a daughter to contract her marriage on her own? The situation is that the mother has tried repeatedly, and all the relatives have also explained to him, but the father’s response is always the same: “Daughters should wait.” Marriage proposals do come for the daughters, but whatever proposals arrive, the father labels someone as Qadiani and someone as Shi‘ah, even though the proposals have come from people with strong religious commitment and background. At present, one sister is thirty years old, another is thirty-three, and I am around twenty-three years old. For me, a proposal has come from a Hafiz and Aalim, who is a fellow student of my brother from the Jamia. He has met my mother, and through my brother a formal proposal for marriage was sent. Initially, I did not accept the proposal out of fear that my father would not allow the marriage and that the matter would remain unresolved in my heart. However, when my mother persuaded me, I agreed to the proposal. Now almost a year has passed. Whenever my mother meets the boy, she tells him: “We intend to marry our daughter to you; at present we are trying to convince her father.” Meanwhile, my father has clearly told my mother: “Either you perform their marriages yourselves, or else, just as your niece left the house on her own, these girls will also leave in the same way.”
In our household, the daughters are being educated and made to do jobs, and it has been said by the father: “Earn on your own.” One sister has a government job, and even her salary is taken by him. We are not allowed to tell anyone about these matters, and we have been kept under severe fear and threats. We have contacted many scholars and also approached my teacher from the Jamia to ask for a solution. The teacher said: “You should arrange the marriage yourselves, because for four years you have been saying that you want to do it yourselves, and he is still not agreeing; now this is the only solution.” The imam of the mosque and many others have also tried to advise and convince him, but he is still not arranging the daughters’ marriages. His only response is: “If it is written in destiny, it will happen.” Respected Sir, may Allah always be pleased with you. For the sake of Allah, please provide me with some solution to this problem. May Allah reward you all with goodness.

الجوابُ حامِدا ًو مُصلیِّا ً

It should be clearly understood that when children reach adulthood and a suitable match becomes available, arranging their marriage is a right of the children and a responsibility of the parents. Unnecessary delay in this matter is not Islamically permissible. Rather, if due to such delay by the parents the children fall into sin, then the parents will also be sinful because of it.
Therefore, in the case mentioned in the question, the father’s conduct of obstructing the marriages of his daughters and keeping them at home despite the availability of suitable proposals is not Islamically permissible—especially when the girl herself wishes to marry at that place and the proposal is compatible (kufu) for her. Hence, first and foremost, the father should refrain from this un-Islamic attitude and make arrangements for the marriages of his daughters as soon as possible, so that the burden of any wrongdoing or sin on their part does not fall upon him.
Otherwise, by preventing his daughters’ marriages for worldly interests, he will be sinful. And if the daughters receive a suitable and compatible proposal (kufu), they themselves may contract their marriage.

مأخَذُ الفَتوی

کما فی مرقاۃ المفاتیح: وَعَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ وَابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رضي الله عنه مَا قَالَا: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم «مَنْ وُلِدَ لَهُ وَلَدٌ فَلْيُحْسِنِ اسْمَهُ وَأَدَبَهُ فَإِذَا بَلَغَ فَلْيُزَوِّجْهُ فَإِنْ بَلَغَ وَلَمْ يُزَوِّجْهُ فَأَصَابَ إِثْمًا فَإِنَّمَا إِثْمُهُ عَلَى أَبِيهِ» .(باب الولی فی النکاح، ج: 5، ص: 2064، ط: دار الفکر)۔
و فیھا ایضاً: (وَعَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ الْخَطَّابِ وَأَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ: " فِي التَّوْرَاةِ مَكْتُوبٌ مَنْ بَلَغَتِ ابْنَتُهُ اثْنَتَيْ عَشْرَةَ سَنَةً وَلَمْ يُزَوِّجْهَا) أَيْ: وَوَجَدَ لَهَا كُفُؤًا (فَأَصَابَتْ إِثْمًا) أَيْ: مَا أَثِمَ بِهِ مِنَ الْفَوَاحِشِ (فَإِثْمُ ذَلِكَ) أَيْ: إِصَابَتُهَا (عَلَيْهِ) أَيْ: عَلَى أَبِيهَا (رَوَاهُ الْبَيْهَقِيُّ فِي شُعَبِ الْإِيمَانِ) .(باب الولی فی النکاح، ج: 5، ص: 2064، ط: دار الکتب)۔
و فی الدر المختار: (فنفذ نكاح حرة مكلفة بلا) رضا (ولي) والأصل أن كل من تصرف في ماله تصرف في نفسه وما لا فلا الخ (باب الولی، ج: 3، ص: 55، ط: سعید)۔