Fatwa No : 94663
Ruling on spending Iddat period in parental house due to the fact that husbands house is too small and ruling on reconciliation

Ruling on spending Iddat period in parental house due to the fact that husbands house is too small and ruling on reconciliation

Dear Mufthi Sahib
I am facing a few important questions regarding a divorce matter. Recently, during a domestic dispute, my husband clearly pronounced divorce to me three times. Based on my limited understanding, this divorce has taken effect according to Islamic law, and both my husband and I are aware of this reality.
We have a four-year-old child, and considering the child's future well-being and emotional stability, we have mutually agreed to a co-parenting arrangement, which we are also including in our legal divorce agreement.
In order to fully understand and act in accordance with Islamic teachings in this situation, I have several important questions:
(1) I have been the family's breadwinner both before and during the marriage, and I am also responsible for the child's care. Due to the child's young age, it seems practically difficult for me to complete the waiting period (iddah) in the manner prescribed by Islamic law. I would appreciate guidance on this matter.
According to Islamic law, "iddah" is generally observed in the house where the divorce occurred. However, my former husband's house is small, which creates the possibility of unnecessary interaction, and only his elderly mother lives there. In such a situation, would it be permissible for me to observe my "iddah" at my parents' home or at another safe location?
Furthermore, regarding the child's custody and upbringing, what guidance does Islam provide concerning parental rights if either I or my former husband remarries? Also, if in the future we wished to remarry for the sake of the child, what would be the Islamic requirements and conditions for doing so? What flexibility, if any, does Islam allow in these matters?
I kindly request guidance at a suitable time so that I may either explain my situation in detail in person or meet with a qualified Mufti for consultation. This is an extremely sensitive and difficult stage of my life, and I wish to navigate it correctly in accordance with Islamic teachings.
Additionally, I am currently unable to disclose this matter to my parents because they are elderly and may not be able to bear the emotional shock of this situation.

الجوابُ حامِدا ًو مُصلیِّا ً

If the statement mentioned in the question is indeed accurate and reflects the actual facts—namely, that the questioner was given three divorces by her husband using clear and explicit words—then all three divorces have taken effect, resulting in a major irrevocable separation (ṭalāq mughallaẓah). In this case, reconciliation (rujūʿ) is no longer possible, and the couple cannot remarry each other unless the conditions of a valid Islamic halalah are fulfilled. After completing her waiting period (ʿiddah), the woman is also free to marry another person.
A valid Islamic halalah means that after separation from her husband and completion of her ʿiddah, the woman marries another Muslim man without any precondition. The marriage must be genuine, and marital relations must take place. If the second husband later divorces her—whether immediately after consummation (which is necessary for halalah to be fulfilled) or after some time of married life—or if the second husband dies, then after the woman completes the subsequent ʿiddah, she may remarry her first husband if both wish to do so. This would require a new marriage contract (nikāḥ), a new dowry (mahr), and the presence of witnesses.
However, arranging a marriage with the prior condition that the second husband will divorce the woman so that she may return to her first husband is considered severely disliked and prohibited (makrūh taḥrīmī). Such people have been condemned to be cursed in prophetic traditions. On the other hand, if there is no such prior agreement or condition, then the above process is valid and permissible.
As for the waiting period (ʿiddah), the woman is required to spend it in her husband's home. However, if the husband's house is small and observing ʿiddah there would make it difficult to maintain Islamic boundaries due to unnecessary interaction and mixing, then she may be allowed to spend her ʿiddah at her parents' home instead.
Regarding child custody, the ruling mentioned is that the child will remain in the mother's care until the age of seven, provided that during this period she does not marry a man who is a non-maḥram to the child and no other Islamic legal reason arises that would remove her right to custody. During the custody period, all necessary expenses for the child's maintenance and upbringing remain the responsibility of the child's father (the woman's former husband).

مأخَذُ الفَتوی

كما قال الله تعالى: {فَإِنْ طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُ مِنْ بَعْدُ حَتَّى تَنْكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُ } [البقرة:٢٣٠]
وفي تفسير المظهرى: وقوله تعالى فَإِنْ طَلَّقَها فَلا تَحِلُّ له من بعد لان قوله تعالى الطلاق على هذا التأويل يشتمل الطلقات الثلاث أيضا وعلى كلا التأويلين يظهران جمع الطلقتين او ثلاث تطليقات بلفظ واحد أو بألفاظ مختلفة فى طهر واحدحرام بدعة مؤثم خلافا للشافعى فانه يقول لا بأس به- لكنهم أجمعوا على انه من قال لامراته أنت طالق ثلاثا يقع ثلاثا بالإجماع اھ(سورة البقرة:٢٣٠،ج:١،ص:٣٣٤،ط:التراث)
و فی الہندیہ:رجل ‌قال ‌لامرأته ‌أنت ‌طالق أنت طالق أنت طالق فقال عنيت بالأولى الطلاق وبالثانية والثالثة إفهامها صدق ديانة وفي القضاء طلقت ثلاثا كذا في فتاوى قاضي خان اھ(الفصل الأول في الطلاق الصريح،ج:١،ص:٣٥٦،مط:ماجديه)
وفيها ايضاََ: وإذا قال لامرأته أنت طالق وطالق وطالق ولم يعلقه بالشرط إن كانت مدخولة طلقت ثلاثا وإن كانت غير مدخولة طلقت واحدة وكذا إذا قال أنت طالق فطالق فطالق أو ثم طالق ثم طالق أو طالق طالق كذا في السراج الوهاج اھ(الفصل الأول في الطلاق الصريح،ج:١،ص:٣٥٦،مط:ماجديه)
کمافی الدرالمختار:(وتعتدان) أي معتدة طلاق وموت (في بيت وجبت فيه) ولا يخرجان منه (إلا أن تخرج أو يتهدم المنزل، أو تخاف) انهدامه، أو (تلف مالها، أو لا تجد كراء البيت) ونحو ذلك من الضرورات فتخرج لأقرب موضع إليه الخ اھ(3/536)۔
وفی البحر الرائق: (قوله وتعتدان في بيت وجبت فيه إلا أن تخرج أو ينهدم) أي معتدة الطلاق والموت يعتدان في المنزل المضاف إليهما بالسكنى وقت الطلاق وفی الدر : (والحاضنة) أما، أو غيرها (أحق به) أي بالغلام حتى يستغني عن النساء وقدر بسبع وبه يفتى لأنه الغالب. ولو اختلفا في سنه، فإن أكل وشرب ولبس واستنجى وحده دفع إليه ولو جبرا وإلا لا (والأم والجدة) لأم، أو لأب (أحق بها) بالصغيرة (حتى تحيض) أي تبلغ في ظاهر الرواية. ولو اختلفا في حيضها فالقول للأم بحر بحثا.وأقول: ينبغي أن يحكم سنها ويعمل بالغالب. وعند مالك، حتى يحتلم الغلام، وتتزوج الصغيرة ويدخل بها الزوج عيني (وغيرهما أحق بها حتى تشتهى) وقدر بتسع وبه يفتى.(3/566)۔